My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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