His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
