my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Sex in the backyard? Check.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
