You're completely useless in the revolution.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
