in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
