Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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