You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
