awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
