He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
