you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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