Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
