wakey wakey hands off snakey
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Randomize
