On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
