My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
