if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
