All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
