I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
