take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
