remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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