Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
