I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
