You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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