your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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