why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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