her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
God, I missed his penis.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
