Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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