if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
