A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
