I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
