Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
