Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
