Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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