If i come over, it means nothing
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
