I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
