Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
