You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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