Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
