On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Who died my cat blue again?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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