Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
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