whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
