I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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