My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
