WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
