so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
