I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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