The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
