I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'd cum for enchiladas.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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