I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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