that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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