found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I'm passing your future prison.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
