just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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