Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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