I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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