some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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